Gaining Self-Esteem

Once a person has fully recovered from their eating disorder, they will face the problem of learning how to reclaim their self-esteem in a society that makes fat people seem like villains.  This is even the case with people that are not fat but voluptuous.  With this in mind, what can a person do to continue to feel good about themselves?  Below we offer some suggestions. 

1. Don't Watch Media that Makes Fun of Fatness and/or Promotes Ultra Thinness

This may be extremely hard to do, especially in Western cultures, but for some eating disorder sufferers it may be necessary.  Examples of media that is exceptionally hard on weight include: radio shock jocks like Howard Stern, America's Top Model and virtually any type of tabloid.  Other forms of media, such as sitcoms or talk shows, may make a joke or two about a person's weight, but it is not the central focus. 

In fact, some sitcoms and talk shows have actually explored the issue of eating disorders directly.  The Tyra Banks show has featured several shows on the subject while older sitcoms such as Full House and Diff'rent Strokes have also explored the topic through 'special' episodes.  Then there are shows like Biggest Loser.  While this show does obviously make weight a central focus, it encourages its participants to lose the weight in healthy ways.  And for binge eaters, such a show could serve as a form of encouragement. 

2. If You're Being Made Fun of Because of Your Weight, Look at the Source

Overweight or sometimes even voluptuous eating disorder sufferers may still get made fun of by ignorant people, making the process of recovery even harder for them.  This is especially the case for eating disorder sufferers who are in middle or high school, though adults are not immune to this unfortunate phenomenon either. 

So, how does a person respond if someone makes a negative comment about their weight?  The main course of action involves doing as the old cliché suggests: looking at the source.  Really, why would a person be that concerned over how another person looks or how much they weigh?  For most it's an issue of their own lack of self-esteem.  They may have nothing else going for them but their thinness, so when they get an opportunity to make fun of someone who is bigger than them, they get a temporary boost in self-esteem.  They are able to feel good about themselves at the expense of another. 

Another common reason behind teasing could be jealousy.  For example, an overweight woman might have a boyfriend or husband that the ones doing the teasing don't have.  Or she might be in a more powerful position at work.  She might be pulling in the top grades at school.  Whatever the case those making fun of her could actually be envious of her achievements.  So, instead of trying to obtain these accomplishments themselves, they do what is quicker and make fun of her weight. 

Thirdly, there's the group dynamic.  If one person makes fun of an overweight person, others will follow.  They may not necessarily like what they are doing, but because someone is considered the 'head honcho,' they must do as they do to still be a part of the group.  This type of thinking is very prevalent in high school, though it can sometimes occur in cliques formed at work.  Anyway, it is this reason that these types of folks should be ignored even more.  If a person is that weak they must make fun of people to retain friendships, is their opinion really worth considering? 

Finally, some people will make fun of an overweight person out of insecurities about their own weight.  For these types of people, it's easier focusing on someone who seems to be bigger than addressing their own weight issues. 

After evaluating why a person is doing the teasing, an overweight or voluptuous person needs to make a decision: are they going to ignore the person insulting them or are they going to insult them back? 

In many cases it's best to try to ignore them, but sometimes this is not possible.  If a person is 'good' at come-backs, they can try belittling the person, though nowadays this may lead to dangerous consequences.  Even if the person initially 'wins' at the battle of words, the loser may get their friends together and do physical harm against the person. For adults, initiating 'comebacks' may cause strife if that person is popular in the office.  It may even get physical, depending on where it is and how intense the insults are. 

With that being said, how does a person deal with getting teased?  If it happens a lot, the best course of action is taking the matter up with a school's principal.  On the job a person can take the matter up with the boss… if of course, the boss isn't involved in the mess too.  If neither works then the student or the employee needs to consider getting out of the environment in which they are being emotionally abused. 

3. Find Something Good About Yourself

Most people have something about them that is physically attractive.  If it's not their body, it could be their hair or their eyes.  Maybe it's in their smile.  Regardless, look in the mirror and find something about yourself that you like physically. 

After that, look into finding more intellectual aspects of yourself that you think are advantageous.  What talent do you possess that is unique to just you?  Are you able to achieve great things academically and/or vocationally?  Think about these things and consider that it is the mind that will ultimately bring about the most success for a person.  Even if an individual achieves fame and fortune for what is deemed to be a beautiful appearance, it will quickly fade once they reach an age in which they are considered to be not as attractive.  Then, during that time the next young bombshell will spring forth to take their place. 

4. Be Happy with the Weight You're At

Don't let models be your standard, because most of them are not at healthy weights.  What should be your standard are the BMI charts, most of which are easily accessible on the Web.  Enter in your weight and height.  If it says you're in the healthy range, you have a lot to be thankful for.   Remember, there are millions of Americans that would die to get this type of weight. 

So, how should you feel if your BMI is high?  Still be happy with your weight, because it could be a lot worse.  There are many people who are so obese that they can't even get out of bed… if you're not in this position, then there's hope.  You may not have the body you want, but at least you're in a position to do something about it.  Of course, still try to get down to a healthier weight, just don't hate yourself or your current weight in the process. 

5. Develop a Hobby

It may be very difficult for a person recovering from an eating disorder to get their minds off of food and dieting.  For this reason they should consider finding outside interests that can help them put their minds on a more positive focus.  These interests should not relate to food or dieting, unless the person actually does need to lose weight.  In this instance the hobby should encourage losing weight the healthy way. 

6. Surround Yourself with Those who will Uplift You

Finding individuals who will encourage you, no matter what your weight, is an integral element of helping to build healthy self-esteem.  If you cannot find in-person eating disorder recovery groups in your area, you can try to form one yourself through Yahoo Groups.  These are basically message boards that are dedicated to one particular topic or theme.  Alternatively, you could try researching existing groups dedicated to eating disorder recovery.

For lots more helpful and informative content on dealing with Eating Disorders, see our Topical Articles.